Valentine's Day

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Relationship Expert Talks About Valentine's Day Dangers

David Rancken
February 13, 2020 - 2:41 pm
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Tomorrow is a day set aside to celebrate love. It's Valentine's Day, and that means a lot of people have made carefully crafted plans for the perfect evening.

Even better, it's on a Friday, so most people don't have to worry about getting up early for work the next day.

But, this can also be a dangerous holiday.

We're joined by our relationship expert, Laurel House from Love Actually Academy. How can Valentine's Day be dangerous?

Laurel also has some Valentine's recommendations for couples in different states of their relationships:

Brand new relationship (up to 10 dates)

Gift: SOLO AT-HOME ACTIVITY for THEM.

You don’t want to be too assumptive in expecting that you will do the activity together. Give something thoughtful based on conversation you have had on a date you have been on together. EX: Gimlet making kit if she talked about how much she loves Gimlets and is on a quest for the best in town (quality gin, roses lime juice, lime to garnish, in a gift bag, with a flower) OR pancake making kit if you shared pancakes at brunch- including toppings (mix, strawberries, whipped cream, and a cute cookie cutter) OR an Art set.

Activity: DO acknowledge the day.

If you haven’t discussed, it’s not too late to ask! If you are going out, nothing too romantic, possibly drinks, dinner at a cool little restaurant.
Expectations: Unless you have had the exclusivity conversation, don’t expect that the two of you are going out together.

This romantic day is a great day to move the relationship to the next phase- going off the apps, exclusivity, bf/gf. But ONLY if you think about it ahead of time and it’s not that you are getting wrapped up in the romance in the moment. You don’t want to regret.

NO: DO NOT surprise them and show up at their house with flowers. You might not like what you find, like them with someone else.

Newish - up to 2 years

Gift: A COUPLES ACTIVITY Plus a GIFT that goes along with it. EX: A handmade gift certificate to a weekend wine country trip PLUS beautiful new wine glasses. Cooking classes PLUS beautiful salt and pepper shakers or a cheese board. Dance classes PLUS a pair of shoes.

Activity: A nice dinner out OR in. If you can get reservations at a nice restaurant- do that. If you can’t or don’t want to, you can cook or postmates. But make it NICE. Dress up- yes, even at home. Send you partner a text saying that you are excited for a romantic evening and you are putting on your pretty orange dress and heels to fancy it up. Then put out the nice placemats, flowers, candles. You can order all of that in from Instacart if you need. NO EXCUSES.

Expectations: Again, if it’s time to step up your relationship, this romantic day is the day to do it IF you thought about it first. Saying "I love you" get engaged, suggest moving in, even proposing. Who care if people think it’s lame to get all romantic on this day. It’s not about Them. It’s about you two.

NO: DO NOT Assume anything. This might be your first Valentine’s Day as a couple, so talk about what you typically like to do on Valentine’s Day. It might secretly be a HUGE DEAL to them. Or maybe it is to YOU and to them it’s just another day. Talk about it and be honest about how you have always felt and how you want to celebrate.

Long-Term Relationship - 2 years plus

Gift: Something ROMANTIC and Special. You’ve been in a comfortable rhythm, so it’s time to do something special and show that you still got it! A nice piece of jewelry, a pretty dress, something to support a favorite shared activity- golf clubs if you do that together, a "gift certificate" to a romantic vacation.

Activity: It doesn’t matter as long as it’s romantic. One idea is a surprise overnight! Go to dinner at a hotel, then surprise them by pulling out a room key. What they don’t know is that you packed an overnight bag and delivered it to the hotel already. Less complex- go to your first date or one of your important date locations.

Expectations: Nothing but connection and romance. It’s a good idea to communicate that so you are both on the same page. Say something like, "let’s celebrate us and our relationship. No talk about kids, stress, or chores." You can even bring along a Conversations Deck that helps to give ideas and stimulate fun conversation.

NO: DON’T DO NOTHING! You’ve been together a long time. You, and they, haven’t forgotten how it feels to feel special, loved, romanced. So DO IT! If it’s awkward for you to be romantic after all of this time, put the onus on the day, and use this as an excuse to get romantic.

Single
Gift: You don’t have to waste your money on anyone else! Buy something you WANT but don’t NEED! Like flowers, a massage, jewelry, something nice.

Activity: Anything that makes you feel loved. A nice bath with candles. A beautiful meal- even if alone- complete with candles, nice placemats, flowers, dressing up. If you want to be treated in a romantic way eventually by someone else, do it to and for yourself FIRST! Be the example of your desire and expectation.

Expectations: Doing EXACTLY what you want. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

NO: DO NOT sit and wallow. Don’t do bad habits to try to "make yourself feel better." Do NOT call or stalk an ex.